Do women want chivalry around or do they want to phase it out in the push for equal rights?

Sometimes I ask myself, Why do I feel the need to hold the door open for a woman and let her pass through before I do but I will enter a place and make sure the man behind me catches the door after I enter? Do women think it is rude if a man does not hold the door open for her?  If the man does not pay for dinner on a first or second date, does she think less of him? If  the answer is yes, then why? Why is there a stigma placed on men if they do not show these attributes but there is still a calling for complete equality?

The way I understand it is that women want equality in all aspects except the courtesies of the “old days.” I have no doubt that women are able to open doors for themselves, pay for dinner, or do the same jobs as men. But….a lot of women want to hold on to that little piece of tradition in history that was convenient. When asking women what type of qualities they look for in a man, the most common answers I have heard include “provider…” and “protecting…” I am not trying to put women on blast by any means, I am just pointing out a flaw in some womens expectation of complete equality if they still expect men to take care of them.

Regardless of the outcome on equality for women, I believe there will always be men who show a broad array courtesies and actions that we call Chivalry. I also believe that no matter what the outcome, that there will always be women who expect and accept those chivalrous actions. I know that no matter what happens from here on out, I will continue my actions the way i was raised to (which was by my mother). I would like some more input on the female perspective of this, so I will be looking forward to your comments.


About tvanh001

Senior at ODU, I'm in the Army ROTC program
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10 Responses to Do women want chivalry around or do they want to phase it out in the push for equal rights?

  1. sarcrowe says:

    I think the actual idea of chivalry has evolved into something else. It began as a code for protecting the weak (not just women), but turned into this sort of socially sanctioned gender imbalance. Obviously it’s always nice to hold the door open for someone, but it’s kind of creepy to have different door-holding strategies for men and women (in general, I’m sure you’re not creepy). Unless I’ve broken a limb or something, it makes me really uncomfortable when, for example, a man walks around the car to open my door. I understand the spirit behind chivalry, but there are ways to show courtesy and respect to ALL people that don’t involve a reliance on a perceived power imbalance. Much like the concept of the man being a “provider” and “protector” (people actually said these things to you? are they time travelers?), traditional chivalry is heteronormative and outdated.

    • tvanh001 says:

      lol it isn’t necessarily a strategy but a normal reaction to the situation that i noticed after i realized i did that. I think chivalry is actually done more out of respect for women than anything else.

      • sarcrowe says:

        Haha I didn’t mean to sound so strident. That’s true about respect, but I guess it just seems to me like a lot of these behaviors stem from a time when women didn’t get much respect beyond superficial things like having doors opened or being paid for on dates.

  2. michalchavis says:

    Interesting blog. I have been dating the same man for 5 years and he still gets pissed off when I open the door for myself (I am finally “allowed” to open the car door on my own lol). God forbid I pay for my own food though! We have gotten into disagreements because sometimes I feel like he thinks I cant do these things on my own. He was also raised soley by his mom so I can understand why he acts this way but it really is annoying at times. I think its now “trendy” for a woman to be independent and not have to depend on a man for anything so that’s why men aren’t as ‘chivarly-ish’ as they used to be or should be.

    • tvanh001 says:

      Like I posted on the comment above, you shouldn’t find it annoying at all because his actions are showing that he has a lot of respect for you especially if he is still doing this after 5 years :)

  3. uksara2012 says:

    I am questioning what I do in these situations, and usually if there is someone coming in the door right behind me I will tell them they can go first. Ladies accept, guys let me go first. So I personally am an ‘equal opportunity door opener’ but it just so happens that being a ‘gentleman’ kicks in when guys are involved and they let me go anyway. I do appreciate a guy who has those old-fashioned habits–to a point. We’re not talking about slapping the secretary on the rear in the office, just holding a door open.

  4. Complete equality does not mean that women become men.

  5. mvensland says:

    I believe that women want to be considered equal when it comes to withing like jobs, sports, etc and that’s great. I am all for gender equality and i believe that individuals shouls be measured on who they are not what they are. However, I believe women would still want men to follow the same social norms that we have been over the years. Just because they want to be treated equally, does not mean they want to be treated the same as men.

  6. dunit4rays says:

    I also agree that equal rights does not mean that women should be treated like men in all facets of life, but given equal opportunities.

    • tvanh001 says:

      If the bar for equality is set at the way men are treated and by the opportunities they get, then why should this be considered in the push for women’s equality as well?

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