Oh, so you’re trying to claim me huh?

management rings

When we get engaged the type of thing we usually see is this, Female: I’m engaged!! (Flashes engagement ring)  Male:  She said yes! (Shows nothing of proof)

I was talking to my boyfriend about this because he has been talking about getting married this summer when he comes home from Italy. (He’s in the air force by the way) He proceeds to ask me what kind of rings I would like, my ring size, the size diamond I would like, gold… white gold… solitaire, three stones ? You know all the things I want to hear lol. He asks me about the type of rings I like, which I like an antique style of ring. All these questions are never a bad thing to be asked, But why are engagement rings so important when getting engaged to a female? The anticipation and jesture is hyped up to the fullest!  I will agree that it is imporant, at least for me but why is it? Is it preprogrammed in our minds, in society and life style? Are we raised to know that that when we get married there is absolutely an engagement ring involved? We know that it is the norm for us that before we get married there has to be a proposal and during the proposal there has to be a ring. Now when it was time for me to ask Nick what he wanted I say “Okay so what type of ring do you like?”  He says “what are you talking about?” I ask him again, because I think uh that was a simple question. “What would you like in a ring? White gold, diamonds or no diamonds in the band?, matching wedding bands for us what’s your style?”  He answers to me “oh, well I would want a black titanium wedding band, absolutely no diamonds! I’m not a girl, but that doesn’t matter right now, we will figure that out when it gets closer to the wedding, but you need your engagement ring to wear now”.  That is when it hit me, WHY DO WOMEN WEAR AN ENGAGEMENT RING WHEN THEY GET ENGAGED BUT MEN DO NOT WEAR A RING UNTIL THEY GET MARRIED? So I asked Nick “wait so that means you won’t be wearing a ring to show that you are engaged but I will? How fair is that, I basically will be physically noticed as taken off the “market” because of a symbolic ring on my left hand, what the hell? But you will be seen as single?, and unless you tell someone you are engaged no one will know? That’s not fair” Of course he just laughed and liked the fact of me being “off of the market” and the possibility of someone not talking to me simply because I have a ring on my finger, but it got me thinking completely.

funny

When I looked this up to see if I could find anything on men wearing a kind of engagement ring I found this:  http://www.onewed.com/blog/show/mangagement-rings-i-do-or-i-dont a blog or something about a new trend about men wearing and engagement ring just as a woman might when  he gets engaged. It’s is called a “mangagement ring”( how clever) and it is basically when a man commits at the same time a woman does and shares the excitement of being engaged. Typically he wears a band, then when married engraves the wedding date into it. It is usually a wedding band with a small diamond on the middle or diamonds on it as shown here on a site that specifically call it a “mangagement” ring.http://www.weddingrings-direct.com/show_sub_cat/mangagement_rings/107

the proposalgirl proposing

Some reasons for doing so may be men marrying other men or women proposing to their men. (hey, it’s a new generation) I am aware it is a trend but I don’t know just how trendy it is I think it is more of a new generation type of thing now that women feel comforable enough to propose to their men, but I think that most will stick to the norm of having the man ask the woman. That is just my opinion. When a woman asks a man it is looked at as against the norm, not that it’s wrong just not what society is use to, which gets me back to the question of why women wear engagement rings and men do not. I think it has been set in society that it is against the norm for a woman to ask a man and it is just the way things are, for a woman to wear her ring (she is just suppose to). My question then might be umm what’s the point? One way of looking at it could be that it would be nice to know that your man was as excited about getting married and being committed to you just as much as you were, but it seems like it would only be an inside deal kind of thing. I say that because when looking at a man with a wedding band on I would just assume that he was married, not looking at his hand and thinking hey, you’re engaged! Nope, so yea no one would really know the difference. Thumbs up for cute idea, thumbs down for logical thinking.

engaged

Do we wear rings as a sign of possession? Is it our symbol that we belong to someone else? Why don’t men wear a type of engagement ring?  The ring is looked at as such an important part in the process of marriage but I when it comes down to it I think it is just another way for men to have control over something else. Its gender biased because men don’t have to wear them (and I know technically neither do women) but if a man doesn’t wear a ring although engaged it’s normal but if I woman doesn’t wear her engagement ring then her “title” of being the fiancé almost means absolutely nothing. From the view of society if you don’t have a ring then you are not married which means you are single. Let a woman go around saying she is engaged to so-and-so and that they are about to be married without any proof of it ( a ring for instance) then she is going to be looked at as a crazy lady. Hell I think it’s already pushing it when you do have a ring! Unless that person is claiming you, you might as well have bought that ring yourself. It all depends on what we care about and how we perceive ourselves. Do we care what society thinks or do we not? I will say that most people do and that’s why us women wear an engagement ring. We just know we are supposed to and so we do it.

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About christinahill22

22 yr old majoring in criminal justice
This entry was posted in Marriage. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Oh, so you’re trying to claim me huh?

  1. Great post! I never thought of engagement rings in this light before. It’s completely true, it’s a symbol of ourselves as a man’s almost possession, like he just put a downpayment on us.(which in a way I guess he did)haha Where’s our insurance that he appears off the market? I think the idea of a management ring is hilarious. It makes me feel like what’s the point of an engagement ring anyway. What really matters is that mutual symbol of possession, those wedding rings and until you get them why bother with anything else.

  2. ainge002 says:

    I think this is a great post! I have considered this topic before and I really find it mind boggling! As if weddings and such aren’t gendered enough! The entire process revolves around solidifying that the husband is now the protector of the wife. I now announce you MAN and wife. It also seems archaic to me that the father of the bride hands over his daughter to the groom. It reminds me of a father selling his daughter off to a man. But the idea of an engagement ring for just the female is bizarre! It would be interesting to look up the history of this…when did this begin as a practice and why? In this day in age, if a woman wants to propose to a man, does she need to provide him with some sort of gift? A managment ring perhaps? Does she need to ask his father or mother for permission first? Interesting…

  3. nikaspeitel says:

    Historically speaking, engagement rings began as betrothal gifts as a sign of the intent of the groom-to-be to return and actually marry the girl. A betrothal was sealed with a church official, and was as binding as a marriage. Men traditionally didn’t wear a ring, as they could be sent off to war and rings make gauntlets uncomfortable. Plus men cheated. Whores didn’t care if they were married, and the men were expected to get some action on the side. Women were property and marked as such with a ring. Engagement rings and men’s wedding bands came in to fashion in the early 1900’s.

  4. Anthropologists call this “bride price” and it is a common practice in diverse cultures all around the world. Typically it is a gift that is given to the bride’s family in order to compensate them for the loss of a family member. In our culture it is also traditional for the groom’s family to pay for the honeymoon, for instance.

    Conversely there is the practice of “dowry”, also a very common practice but is more typical of patriarchal societies where men are considered more valuable then women. This is a gift given to the groom’s family to compensate them for the burden of having to add woman to their family. This is echoed in our culture with the tradition of the bride’s family paying for the wedding.

  5. I think in our culture we have begun to be paranoid in terms of gender equality. Everything is now looked at as is this fair? However, its true, typically, men dont wear engagement. But isnt that the price HE pays. Literally. Isnt that the whole purpose of purchasing an engagement ring That is his committment. He pays for the ring to show a woman and to his friends that he is ready to take himself off the market. I dont think it should be looked at as an aspect of male dominance. If anythiing the man is opening himself up to vulnerability of rejection in buying a ring. Our world has become so open to everyones scrutiny that we ourselves through societies instead of to whats important to us. If the issue is trusting a man to act as if he is off the market as well, then marriage shouldnt even be in the question.

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